


Fixing A Broken Heart

by ununoriginal



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-13
Updated: 2002-02-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 07:50:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/834455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ununoriginal/pseuds/ununoriginal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>1x2. Yaoi. Heero & Relena have broken up - will Duo have a chance to fix Heero's broken heart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

_"There was nothing to say_  
 _The day she left_  
 _I filled a suitcase full of regrets"_  
\----"Fixin' A Broken Heart", Indecent Obsession

***

He knocked once on the door and, without waiting for a reply, entered. Maintaining the cool, expressionless facade, he scanned the room for intruders out of reflex before turning to look at the young woman standing before the large French windows. "You wanted to see me?"

She seemed not to have heard him, remaining entranced in whatever she was gazing at outside the building. After a while, she gave a slight shake of her head, bringing herself out of her reverie, and her shoulders lifted and fell in a delicate sigh. Turning, she stepped out of the bright rays of the afternoon sun into the shadows. Where he was.

He shifted his line of sight so that he was now looking at her directly, but the gentle waving of light brown silk as she had shaken her head was still imprinted on his mental vision. You think she's beautiful, a treacherous little voice within him said. So why don't you just admit it? He clamped down on that stray thought and banished it to a remote part of his brain. Focusing on the clear blue of her eyes, he repeated, "Why did you want to see me?"

The dreadful tearing sensation within his gut that had grown ever since he received her summons increased a little more when he saw her flinch at his direct question. Her pale, smooth brow wrinkled as a look of indecision flitted across her features, but after a moment, the warring factions within her mind died down, and a veneer of calm settled over her again. Taking a deep breath, she began to speak.

"Heero, I... let me begin by saying I am sorry, really, I am..." The tearing sensation just became worse -- much, much worse. "It's just that... I... this isn't going to be easy to say... it's just that things are different now in this new era we've created, and we've also changed. You and I... the others... we all have different roles to play now, and being an Ambassador to the Colonies, I have so many things to do..." She smiled sardonically, as if in self-acknowledgement of the lame excuse she had just given. Closing her eyes, she took a few seconds to compose herself. "Forgive me, Heero. I... it's... I just don't have the feelings I had for you before. I'm not the Relena Dorian you tried to kill when we first met. Now, I'm Relena Peacecraft, Ambassador to the Colonies. Presently, this new role is my life, my anchor. I'm truly sorry to put an end to our relationship..." Then, she looked up with an almost defiant gleam in her eyes. "That is, if we even had a relationship to begin with. You never said anything, and I... I'm too tired to try and make you admit anything anymore." Her shoulders drooped a little as she said that last part, but she rallied and approached Heero, leaning up to brush her lips across his gently in a sweet goodbye kiss -- their first and last. "Sayonara, Heero." Her voice choked slightly and she quickly left the room.

 

 

He remained where he was, not moving a single muscle, as he had not moved at all since she had opened her mouth to begin her stumbling monologue. He had not said anything, had not done anything, to help her along the way, had not met her halfway, to graciously accept the rejection, the offer to break apart. He was completely focused inward, on the tearing that seemed to now engulf him. Her voice reverberated in his mind, repeating the words of separation over and over until finally, something broke. And a strange feeling -- much like pain -- spread from somewhere in his heart to the other parts of his body. It felt much like he was injured, yet not.

Later, he was to realise this was the pain arising from regrets he had never allowed himself to admit, shattered dreams he did not dare face, a broken heart he never thought he possessed. But at that time, he could not identify it and could do nothing to stop its spread. He could only stand there and let it wash over him in waves, for if he moved even the slightest bit, he would shatter.

He remembered things about her that had never seemed to cross his mind. The intensity in her eyes as she spoke, the small quiver in her voice, the streak of fire she had left across his lips. Brown silken strands had curled around his arm, caressing it for one breathless moment before they followed their owner away. From him.

The sun's rays had lengthened as he stood rooted, and inched their way towards him, like golden tendrils of consolation reaching for him. But before they ever completed their journey over the carpet to where he was, twilight came, and the only things that wrapped around him lovingly were his old friends -- the shadows.


	2. Part 1

_"If there's a way that you could be everything you want to be_   
_Would you complain that it came too easy?_   
_Just like the games with you and me_   
_A resolution hard to see,_   
_But that's O.K. cuz I don't see things that are plain to see"_   
_\----"Violet", Savage Garden_

***

Duo turned the corner and sauntered down the path at his usual leisurely pace, hands stuffed in his pockets. He breathed in deeply as he closed his eyes, focusing on the cool morning air sliding into his lungs. The pale yellow rays of the sun were already touching his hair, but here, up north where Relena's birthplace was, it was never really warm.

Walking just a little bit faster, he took the many twists and turns of the garden path leading towards the Peacecraft mansion -- rebuilt ever since Relena had decided it would be her base of operations for ambassadorial work here on Earth. He glanced appreciatively at the flora blooming on the lawns, brilliant splashes of colour amidst a backdrop of green. He wished he could spend more time enjoying the beauty, it had never been possible to recreate such nature on the colonies. Not that he didn't love outer space, he did. The velvet abyss, the gleaming diamonds, and the crisp silence would always be a part of him. There, a person could be one with himself as he could never be on Earth. There were just too many distractions here. The place was too full of life. Not really suitable for a harbinger of Death, he mused.

Without realising it, he had reached his destination, and as he entered, he was greeted by the smiling receptionist, to whom he flashed a grin in return. _How different this place is now_ , he thought. The first time he had been here, the place had been ravaged by war, and practically leeched of all life, the ruins of the mansion reflecting only shadows of what had once been. Now, however, it had regained most of its former glory, and the aura of pain and despair that he had felt around the mansion before had dissipated. Most importantly of all, he could feel that vital hope that brought forth progress.

Heading up to his room, he wondered if he would get a mission today. This peace was spoiling him, not that he liked war, but at least it gave his mind something else to be occupied with. He hadn't lost any of his alertness, it was too ingrained in him to let his guard down completely, as it was with the other four Gundam boys, he was sure. Especially Heero. _Heero..._

_Damnit! This is the fourth time this morning_ , he thought angrily. _I have_ got _to find something to do._ He had never denied his feelings in this aspect to himself -- well, maybe at first -- but then he had never had so much spare time to ponder the intricacies of his emotions either. And now, it seemed like he had nothing to do  _except_ ponder.

He plopped down in front of his computer and switched it on, brooding morosely as he stared at the black monitor, waiting for the computer to complete its start-up. Perverse, that's what he was. Of all people to develop feelings for, Heero had to be the worst. And why him anyway? What was so great about him? He suppressed his feelings, almost never responded to overtures, and viewed anybody who had not proved themselves countless times to him with suspicion.

_I did_ not _mean to fall in love with that jerk,_ Duo clarified to his mind's resident devil. _I may have my quirks and eccentricities, but a man has his limits... And before you bug me some more, I don't know how it happened and I don't want to think about it anymore for the time being._ The beeping sound that indicated he had new orders came on just in time to draw him out of his fruitless reverie.

***

"Well, I think that about sums up what I have to tell you," Relena concluded, sitting back against the plush leather seat. "I'm confident that the two of you will be able to complete the mission easily. Do you have any further questions? I can contact Lady Une for you."

For a moment, there was an awkward silence as Relena waited for their answer. Duo looked from one of them to the other. Heero stared straight ahead, blatantly ignoring her, clearly he was not going to speak. He cleared his throat, bringing her attention to him. "Um, I think I have no questions about this. Seems pretty straightforward this time round. What about you, Heero?" Man, what a feeble attempt, Duo. If the guy doesn't want to speak, it will take more than that to draw him out of his shell.

As expected, Heero remained silent. Duo valiantly carried on. "But Relena-san, do you think it's wise to attend this function in the colonies without the two of us? Although the war is over, there are still hostile parties out there who are more than willing to be rid of you." He spoke bluntly – although absolute peace had been declared between the Earth and the Colonies, enmity was a hard thing to relinquish, especially when for so long it had been held so close to the heart. Relena was no stranger to this residual animosity, and knew even better than he what it was like to be the target of such hatred.

She sighed, glancing at Heero as she did so, and it seemed to Duo that she was not only regretting the hostilities between their peoples. "It's quite a large function, Duo, and a lot of important people will be there. There'll be plenty of bodyguards, not to mention Noin-san and Lady Une. I'm in safe hands, don't worry." She smiled reassuringly.

"But..." It still didn't sound secure enough for Duo.

"If she says it's fine, then you don't have to argue with her. Let's go."

The words cut through Duo's protest, bringing with it a thunderous, shocked silence. Duo couldn't believe it. Normally, Heero was even more paranoid than he was about Relena's safety. It was  _his_ mission after all. And now, this. What in the world had happened? He looked at the two of them. Heero was still expressionless, it was as if he had never opened his mouth. Relena, on the other hand, was looking strained, and she seemed like she would cry any moment. The tension was so thick he felt it would smother him.

"Ah, okay, if you say so... Saa, ojousan, we'll be going then." He forced a grin at her, and he knew what it cost her to maintain her composure when she didn't even smile back. Heero stood up and walked out the door without a word. Duo stared after him, then turned to Relena. "Relena..."

"It's alright. Could you... just let me be alone?"

There was nothing he could say or do. He left the room and shut the door quietly behind him.

***

Duo leaned back from his laptop and, again, turned to look at Heero. Outwardly, there was nothing wrong at all. Same old Heero, the same expressionless face, the unchanging look of utter concentration, the feral air of a hunter. Yet… Duo could sense something wrong in the atmosphere, and that wrongness was emanating off Heero in waves.

Maybe another person would not have detected it, but he was too attuned to Heero now to not notice a change so drastic. _I've become too used to looking out for every little response or emotion he could possibly give out, hoping it would be for me_ , he reflected self-deprecatingly. _Boy, am I pathetic. And he was sure this turmoil within Heero had nothing to do with him. More like Relena._

He suppressed a sigh as the name popped into his head. His feelings towards the young woman were ambivalent at best. They had always seemed rather at odds with one another from the start, when he had tried to shoot Heero and she had intervened. Okay, so that had been a slight misunderstanding, but that wasn't the point. And, as time went by, they had apparently fallen for the same person.

His heart twisted a little as he thought of the so many times he had played the joker to mask the pain when it become too hard to watch them. Occasionally, jealousy would overcome him and he would just butt in, shattering their idyll. Still, Heero had seemed happy, so he was willing to let sleeping dogs lie. And tried vainly, every now and then, to forget he ever had feelings for the pilot.

Besides, he really couldn't imagine what Heero's reaction would be if he actually knew why Duo always stuck around him. Of course, just a few words would reveal that irrevocably. _But I'm too damn scared to find out_ , he ruefully admitted to himself. It was so much safer imagining stuff. Daydreams couldn't crush one in the cruel way reality did every time.

Back to the problem of Heero's weird behaviour… _It must be trouble in paradise_ , Duo concluded sardonically. Heero was so passive when it came to emotional matters that he couldn't have started anything. Unless that was exactly why they had quarrelled – over his passivity. Duo's mind returned to the outburst in Relena's study a few days ago. That was so unlike him… It's really bad this time.

Try as he might, he couldn't stop that flutter of elation within him.


	3. Part 2

  
_"And like an answered prayer_   
_I turned around and found you there"_   
_\----"Fixin' A Broken Heart", Indecent Obsession_   


***

Heero splashed his face wet and then turned off the running water, staring at himself in the mirror. He felt strange, still not fully aware of what was out of joint. The pain within him had retreated to a dull ache, except when he thought of Relena. Then it would form a sharp spear and pierce him right through. He wondered how long this would last. Yet, surprisingly, he found himself unwilling to contemplate life without this pain that seemed to have fused as a part of him.

The events of the past few days floated randomly across his mind. He remembered the disastrous encounter with Relena the day after her announcement. He had finally snapped, and had to hurt her in some way as she had him. It was, he reflected, one of the hardest days of his life. Dying had seemed – and felt – easier.

Other than that, though, there was not really much else about her. Maybe that was because he had been blocking thoughts of her out. The subservient side of him that carried out all orders no matter how distasteful was outraged, of course – it was his duty to protect her, and he couldn't very well accomplish that if he wasn't alert of her. But the rest of him didn't bloody care. It was weird that he could be so at odds with himself. Is that how others feel most of the time? he thought absently. No wonder they are so inefficient.

Other people, even Duo, were either fascinated or repelled by his total, single-minded concentration, to the exclusion of all else, when he was on a mission. Now… something had changed… or had he just reopened the door to his true self?

With a sudden jerk, Heero realised he had been staring blankly at himself in the mirror. He pushed away from the sink and stepped out of the bathroom, gathering all the confusion and chaos within his mind and dumping it in some obscure corner. It wouldn't bother him now until he closed his eyes and the dreams came. However, another image drifted by before he could shut that mental door, one as familiar to him as his own hand.

He wondered why Duo had still not asked him anything or made some remark about his abnormal behaviour. He could vaguely sense Duo's curiosity eating at him, and he was sure the other pilot turned to look at him in bemusement every now and then while they worked. Yet he had never said a word, and was uncharacteristically sensitive to what Heero didn't want to hear.

_Forget it for now_ , he told himself. With some difficulty, he dragged the image of the long-haired pilot into the chaos storeroom and slammed the door on it.

***

"Heero!" Footsteps followed the shout that jerked him out of his -- how many times had it been since... then -- latest session of staring blankly at the computer monitor. He debated with himself whether to respond, but Duo's voice did hold a sense of urgency that was seldom present.

Swivelling around, he faced the ex-Gundam pilot, who was slightly panting from his mad dash to the room.

"Heero, you've gotta be calm now. L2 just sent us an emergency signal." He paused, eyes flickering away momentarily before he appeared to steel himself for the inevitable. "They say that Relena's missing." So saying, he reflexively took a step back, as if that would garner additional protection, however meagre, from the explosion that was sure to follow.

Seconds passed in silence.

After a couple of minutes, Duo ventured to open his mouth. "Eh, Heero... this is serious. Relena's gone, and the people over there are in a total panic. We have to get there straightaway and find her..." He trailed off as Heero's gaze suddenly snapped up at him. _It's coming now,_ Duo thought, and winced. _Hopefully, he won't try to kill me for bringing him the news. I guess the shadow of Death never really left me..._

But all Heero did was swing back to face his computer while curtly demanding more details into the Vice-Ambassador's disappearance.

***

Heero gazed at the brilliant points of light that faded away into streaks as they sped by. He felt clear-headed for the first time in what seemed like eons. The indescribable sensation that was his constant companion back when he was still in the war had resurfaced. That knot of danger and tension, overlaid with a sickening excitement, hummed within him. And the panic, hanging over him like a sword of Damocles, liable to be unleashed at any time, lurked at the back of his brain, firmly restrained there by iron training and sheer willpower.

He glanced at the abnormally silent figure seated next to him in the shuttle that was to take them to the L2 sector. The joker's face that Duo often wore was absent, and his face seemed to be strained with tension and anxiety. _Does he care for her that much?_ Heero shrugged away the vague distaste he felt at that notion.

Violet eyes met his own as Duo realised he was being stared at. One side of his mouth lifted in a half-hearted grin. "Feels like old times, doesn't it?" He gave a soft sigh and slouched down further in the seat before continuing, "Wish we had our Gundams still, though. I feel as if I'm going into battle without a vital part of me."

Heero gave no reply, merely acknowledging his partner's words with his silence.

Their objectives were simple. Further reports had followed that Relena had been kidnapped by some new radicals that were out to reform the colony, thereby disrupting important talks and negotiations that had been her primary aim in travelling to the satellite. The authorities had more or less got a fix on the hideout and all that remained was for Heero and Duo to infiltrate the site and get her out. It would be child's play compared to the ordeals they had went through.

Strange though, that he was so calm. He could tell that Duo had half expected him to go insane and begin lashing out like some rabid animal, but he felt totally incapable of achieving the degree of emotion that required. He had cautiously lowered the barriers he had constructed around his mental vision of Relena, ready to snap them back up in the event panic overwhelmed him -- but nervous breakdowns remained far from his reach. Was that it? Could this be the extent to which he could feel for a person? Or maybe, just maybe, _I was never really in love with her at all..._ The thought shocked him, and he frowned, trying to absorb this new concept.

A light soothing touch on his arm brought with it unexpected comfort, until the "Ne, Heero, don't worry. She'll be alright..."

Duo felt the stiffening that signified rejection and withdrew his hand, marvelling at the way his mind just automatically sifted out the hurt and dumped it into some bottomless pit -- at least, he hoped it was bottomless.

He didn't want to be around himself the day the pain decided to overflow and engulf him.


	4. Part 3

  
_"Contemplate jealousy intermixed with urgency_   
_A million things take a damned good shot at you and me"_   
_\----"Violet", Savage Garden_   


***

"Ok, you can look now, Duo." Lady Une's voice was amused for once, losing the tinge of worry that had kept it close company ever since the whole debacle began.

A soft chuckle reinforced her black humour. "Come on, Duo. It really isn't that bad. At least you didn't have to cut it." Noin tried in vain to reassure the distressed young man seated in front of the mirror, eyes scrunched tightly shut, as if by doing so, the irrevocable fact that his hair had been dyed would become undone.

Eyes still closed, Duo swallowed convulsively, and his lips moved silently in a prayer he had learned as a child at the long-gone Maxwell Church. _Please God, let me look normal. I'll give up anything. Even…_ But the plea stopped there as he realised that any further offer would be a lie.

A cold, flat, "Duo, we do not have time for this," hauled him away from petty vanities and back into the urgency of the situation. A silent tension settled once again over the occupants of the room. With a single sentence, Heero had managed to restore everyone's emotions to that high-strung pitch it had been vibrating at when the shuttle carrying Heero and Duo had first landed on the colony.

Only Heero could accomplish this, Duo sighed mentally. _See, Duo, you're an idiot. This – this is the kind of guy you like… you're a blind fool!_ Taking a deep breath to fortify himself, he opened his eyes and stared at himself in growing horror. _No, this is a nightmare! Why am I doing this anyway? She's my rival, for god's sake. With her out of the way…_ He slumped down, defeated. _…still nothing would happen, other than Heero being devastated, and that's why you're doing this, remember?_

The reflection gazing back at him with equally increasing degrees of revulsion was attired in the white of Relena's customary ambassador's uniform, with a few tassels and epaulettes tacked on for good measure. His hair had been dyed to Relena's lighter shade of golden brown – one he wasn't exactly fond of – and now cascaded freely down his back, rather than being confined to one thick braid.

A heartfelt moan rose from his throat and he checked it before it developed into a full-blown howl. "Duo, we still have to braid it in Relena's hairstyle," said Lady Une, advancing menacingly (in Duo's point of view) upon him, brush and ribbon in hand.

The chair was tipped over with a loud crash in Duo's desperate attempt to escape. "NO!! I refuse to inflict any further degradation on my hair. Bring that ribbon near me and I shall have a nervous breakdown on this very spot!" And indeed, he noted through his panic, his voice did seem to hold shades of encroaching hysteria.

Lady Une approached him inexorably.

And his saviour suddenly stepped between the two of them. "It's enough." Heero sounded to him, at that precise moment, like an angel from heaven. Faced with this immovable wall, Lady Une had no choice but to admit defeat.

While still recovering from the shock of his mutated appearance, wondering how he was going to face everyone else, the long overcoat was thrown at him. _Huh?_

"Put it on," Heero intoned as he headed out the doorway. "You don't want to attract more attention." For one brief instant, Duo entertained glorious hopes, and mercilessly squashed them as he followed Heero out of the room.

***

As they sped around the corner, hurtling toward another large patch of shadows, Duo ran through the plan in his mind again. He had always possessed this ability: even in the thick of battle with total chaos enveloping him, a part of his brain still remained detached, analysing and reviewing every minute detail that flickered past his eyes, never susceptible to panic and blackout. It let him make all the necessary minor adjustments and react just right to rescue him from the most perilous of predicaments, and he was grimly satisfied that it had not left him in these times of peace.

Minimum damage: that had been the key words underlying the whole mission. Once it would have been fine to go in guns blazing, but now they could no longer afford the possibility of an explosion alerting anyone. Such destruction would be working against the stability Relena had worked so hard for. Other than those involved, no one else was aware that Relena had been kidnapped – the terrorists had yet to make a public announcement – and it was imperative to keep it that way. The political situation was too precarious for news like this. Every action they undertook would be geared to maintain that secrecy.

Only the two of them, Heero and Duo, would enter the hideout and find Relena. Then Duo would act as a decoy, buying time for Heero to get Relena – disguised in Duo's black outfit – to safety under the pretence of a failed rescue attempt. Duo would wrap up the whole mission by knocking the culprits out of action in time for the cavalry to pick them up.

Normally, Heero would have jumped at the more active, combative role, and he did, until Noin had calmly pointed out that he did not have the right appearance, in addition to the fact that his  _true_ mission was the safety of the Vice-Ambassador herself. Duo shivered inside, recalling the black look that had descended upon Heero's features as he could find no words, no arguments to counter her.

They rounded a corner, just in time to neatly dodge the roving searchlights, whose beams caught nothing more than the shimmering translucent ends of Duo's hair as they merged deeper into the darkness. Finally, they paused for a moment below an opening to a vent that, according to the blueprints, criss-crossed in a complex network that passed over every room in the building. By following the signal given off by Relena -- _these guys are obviously new at this_ , Duo thought wryly to himself – they would eventually get to where she was being held.

***

The young woman sat stiffly, spine against the wall, eyes closed in a false charade of relaxation. Only her fists, tightly clenched, betrayed that she felt the slightest bit of nervousness at being held prisoner. She breathed in deep, drawing in air as well as the mustiness that always permeated a long-deserted area.

The signalling device that had been cleverly attached as a button to her uniform had sent out the emergency signal hours ago, and Relena was sure Noin and Lady Une had pinpointed her location by now. All she had to worry about now was how to distract her kidnappers keeping watch outside and through the video camera at the corner of the room. For she was perfectly sure her rescuers would come. She had confidence in Heero's dedication to the mission, even if she had lost faith in his heart.

She could feel the knot twisting in her stomach again at the thought of Heero. She had not expected him to react as he had. Before, he seemed to have tolerated her, and her foolish overtures of affection toward him, now it was as if to be civil to her was an ordeal in itself. It had been all too evident, the few days after their final confrontation. In her mind, the scene in her study with Duo as witness replayed itself. Duo's look of total, disbelieving shock was bad enough, that almost-pitying gleam in his eyes as he clumsily tried to smooth over Heero's abnormal display of indifference was too much to bear.

The knot within her wound even tighter as the second Gundam pilot crossed her mind. A slightly bitter smile curved her lips although the light did not reach her eyes. Poor Duo. She wondered if anyone else had noticed the American's feelings for his partner. Or if being in love with the same person had made her more aware of others also under Heero's spell. _And Heero's so blind. All these years, and he still doesn't realise._ Of course, she hadn't minded at all that Heero had been so insensitive, it made things in general less complicated, and Duo had never, not even once, gave any indication that he wanted Heero to know how he truly felt.

_Now, Duo-kun, you can have him all to yourself._

Another part of her hated this though, hated that she was in effect relinquishing her hold on this beautiful being that she had adored for so long. But it was a mere petty discontent, compared to the deep-seated longing to break free from the shackles of this sickly romance that was slowly but surely poisoning her. And she had purged it, lancing the boil through, confident that in time, the heartbreaking pain would recede – the wound healed.


	5. Part 4

  
_"If there's a way to infiltrate you_   
_Sway your mind and complicate you_   
_I'm gonna crash into your world_   
_And that's no lie_   
_Let your body move into the doorway_   
_To the disco inside your head (Violet)_   
_Wear a colour u want tocling to_   
_The colour inside your head (Violet)"_   
_\----"Violet", Savage Garden_   


***

"Psst! Relena…" A loud whisper came from above her head. Other than a small jerk of her head, there were no signs that she had registered Duo's voice. She couldn't let her captors become suspicious.

"Listen carefully, Relena," Duo continued, his voice barely audible. She strained to catch every word over the accelerating pounding of her heart. "We're gonna scramble their audio and visual communications for about five minutes, in which time we'll drop down and knock out the guards outside the door – how many are there?" Two fingers fluttered. "Ok, you're gonna pretend to be me, so you have two minutes to change while we waste the guards, after which we get the hell outta here, got it?" A small inclination of the head. "Alright, here we go."

There were no dramatic blasts, but she knew the scrambler had did its mischief when her guard exclaimed, followed by her door being unlocked and opened to check on her. Which they never got to do as Heero landed on them and knocked them out with a blow to each of their heads. Duo followed through the hole in the ceiling a moment later – _dressed in_ white _!_ Relena thought inanely – with a duffel bag.

"Hurry up, Relena!" he urged, drawing the black overshirt and pants out of the bag and thrusting them into her hands, then pulling off the band around the end of his braid, allowing the hair to unfurl in a light brown curtain.

She gasped, noticing for the first time the altered shade. "Duo! Your hair…"

"You owe me big time for this, ojousan," he replied, gathering his long hair into a loose ponytail to avoid it getting in the way too much later on.

"One minute." Heero's flat warning spurred her into action.

She quickly changed, ignoring the embarrassment of having to do it under their watchful gaze. While she fumbled with the buttons on the shirt, Duo came behind her and swiftly got her hair into a thick loose braid.

"That'll have to do," he said ruefully as he jammed a black cap on her head. "You can't expect too much in thirty seconds." He glanced up at the stony-faced Heero by the doorway, and a look passed between the two of them. "Yep, the coast is clear for the time being," he added with a wink. "Just hang on, we'll be out of here in no time."

Grabbing her hand, he dragged her out of the room, both of them speeding after Heero along the maze of corridors that never seemed to end. Suddenly, Heero decelerated, and came to a stop at a junction, motioning with his head for the other two to stay behind him.

With another shock, she heard the click of a gun being cocked next to her ear. "Don't worry," Duo whispered. "We're nearing the exit. Just keep your head down. And hold this." Relena could only stare at the ugly metal thing that had just being placed in her trembling grip. "You don't have to shoot, and the safety ain't off. But it would look too weird if 'I' weren't carrying anything when 'you' are shooting like crazy, ne?" Duo continued in the midst of the exchange of gunfire.

"Shut up, Duo," came Heero's monotone as the gunfire ceased, their opponents temporarily out of action. They made their way towards the exit, and burst out into the night, dodging a searchlight as they did so.

"Ignore him," Duo said cheerfully, the excitement of a nearly-completed mission coursing through his veins. "He's always an asshole at times like these… Oh, shit!"

Relena could feel herself being pushed roughly toward Heero, who had stopped running and turned around at Duo's curse. The events that ensued seemed to come to her through a buffer. She was flying into Heero's open arms – granted that it was something she had always wanted to do – but it didn't seem to be the right place and time. Duo's shout to "get the hell out of here!" was followed by a series of shots and a muffled scream. Then she hit Heero's hard chest and the impact jolted her out of her daze.

Everything came to her with a clarity so intense it hurt. The glare of the searchlights upon all three of them, the burning crimson of Duo's blood staining the pure white of his shirt, the thundering that said their pursuers were getting closer by the second, Duo's voice screaming for them to "go! Don't you remember your mission, Heero? Get her out of here!! Hurry! They're coming!"

And she felt it – the hesitation in Heero as he stood immobile for a heartbeat, and saw – the distress that flickered in his eyes as he spun around, decision made, hauling her nearly off her feet as they dashed into the shadows. Leaving Duo lying in the dust to be finished off…

Her mind shrieked its denial as she glanced back over shoulder, in time to see Duo painfully staggering to his feet. The blood… She could see it dripping from his arm and back, dyeing a scarlet trail on his white outfit, soiling his hair, creating a dark puddle around his feet.

They rounded a corner, and he was lost from her view, but his maniacal laughter rang in her ears. "Come on, guys. I'm gonna kick your asses… ya can't kill Death…"

***

"…stop… Stop… Heero…" She tried to dig her heels into the ground to gain some friction, but it was like being dragged along by a speeding train. "Heero, listen to me… you have to stop," she gasped in between painful breaths. "We have to go back… Duo… he's hurt…" The mention of Duo seemed to just spur him on faster, and she flinched as small branches slapped against her face as they pushed through the undergrowth. "Heero…" she tried again, but the iron grip on her hand tightened until it threatened to crush her bones, and she swallowed any further arguments.

Finally, they broke into a small clearing, where a small jeep was illuminated by the stark moonlight. Heero let go of her immediately and shoved her towards the passenger side of the vehicle, while he himself jumped into the driver's seat, revving up the engine.

As she got in, nursing her swollen wrist, she opened her mouth once more, but no words could come out when Heero turned to glare at her. She gasped, shocked by the intensity in his eyes – in the time they had been together, she had never seen such emotion in them before. Such anger, hate, frustration… _he really does care_ , she realised. But Heero's training was so engraved upon his nature that he simply could not stop to go back, even for his closest companion. Not until he could be sure she, Relena, was safe. The mission above all.

They remained silent for the rest of the trip.

***

"Heero, where do you think you're going? We still have to round up the kidnappers!" Noin's words were directed to thin air as Heero left a trail of dust in the wake of the jeep.

"Let him be, Noin," Relena spoke up from where she had just been dumped on the ground. Heero had barely stopped to let her out into Noin's waiting arms before spinning the vehicle around and taking off in the direction they had come from, tyres screeching. "Duo was shot while we were getting out," she explained, grasping Noin's hand to stand. "But we still left him there! And he was bleeding… oh god, Noin, there was so much blood… what if… what if he…"

Noin shook the trembling young woman hard to shake her out of her stupor. "Relena, snap out of it! Duo was a Gundam pilot, he went through worst things than this. Don't worry, he'll be fine," she said firmly. But a tiny bit of doubt wormed into her brain nonetheless – why did Heero seem so panicked (for Heero) if Duo could hold his own?

Even as she was leading Relena towards the hovercraft that would transport the Vice-Ambassador to her quarters, she was giving orders for the teams to move in faster.


	6. Part 5

  
_"Forget me not_   
_Those weren't your words_   
_I'm home, haven't you heard the ring?_   
_The sound of my voice_   
_I know isn't much_   
_That's why I_   
_Say your name_   
_When I fall_   
_When I hit the bottom"_   
_\----"Eyesore", New Found Glory_   


_***_

"Damnit! You little piece of shit!" The hard, steel-tipped boot caught him squarely in the ribs, narrowly missing the wound where the bullet went through. By a sheer stroke of luck, it had penetrated the flesh between his ribs, catching him in the back and coming out through his right side. Not enough to kill him by far, but enough to drag him down and splash blood around, making everything really… messy.  
  
The foot descended again, this time its aim true, and Duo couldn't restrain a muffled groan through gritted teeth as the fiery pain shot down his nerve endings. He kept his eyes closed, and tried to block out the insults and abuse being heaped upon him by his enraged captors. _Breathe! Relax! Block out the pain… it's all in the mind… Think of something else… take the mind away…_  
  
It almost made him want to laugh – his Grim Reaper-Shinigami laugh – at the look on the would-be terrorists' faces when they realised that they had let the wrong party go. He had managed to knock out three of them before the remaining six jerked out of their inaction.  
  
And even then, he was sure he could have dealt with them, bullet wound and all. But one of them had been holding a tranquilliser gun, and so now he was lying bonelessly on his side upon the rumbling floor of their getaway van, helpless to protect himself from the thrashing they were inflicting upon him.  
  
 _At least Heero and Relena got away… mission accomplished… well, almost._ He mentally braced himself for another blow. _Heh, I always thought the war would finish me off. Go out with a bang and all that crap. God, it's such an_ insult _to be killed by wannabes…_  
  
Things were slowly becoming murkier, even the pain seemed to be echoing down from far above. That last kick had been forceful enough – he knew, from his accursed wartime experiences – for a couple of his cracked ribs to give way and puncture his lung. It was becoming hard to breathe. A black exhaustion enveloped him.  
  
 _Damn, it would be_ really _good if someone could come get me like right now…_  
  
 _Heero…_

***  
  
"Fuck." Heero didn't bother to restrain the expletive that escaped his lips when the jeep screeched to a stop in front of the compound he had left just half an hour ago. Unlike the enshrouding darkness that had clouded the area then, with only a few strobing watchlights to penetrate the gloom, now the entire place was as bright as day – the spotlights had been switched on when the alarm had sounded.  
  
"Fuck," he murmured again as he jumped out and approached the unmistakable crimson staining the dirt of the ground. It was splattered over a wide, roughly circular shape, as if a child had plunged his hands over a blob of red paint and smeared it carelessly over the canvas. His soldier's eyes took in the signs of the struggle, the fight Duo had put up before something brought him down, and he noted the tracks that had led to a vehicle parked near the gate. He approached the scorch marks searing the tar, bending down to feel its residual warmth. He had just missed them by three minutes.  
  
For a moment, he remained frozen in that position, fingers in contact with the road, sensing the desertedness of the place, the silence when it is devoid of humans. From far away, the voice seemed to echo, "Ya can't kill death!…"  
  
"Duo…" His fists clenched and he closed his eyes, trying to force the calm into his bloodstream. The nervous tension that had lodged itself somewhere between his throat and heart as he sped back refused to go away. In fact, it had hit new heights when he had seen the blood.  
  
Somewhere within his mind, he knew with a sense of detachment, that there was a demon howling, thrashing, raging to be let loose. The demon that always came to the forefront when he was in his Gundam, that blinded him during those violent, senseless moments so he did not have to think of what he was doing then. The one Duo had expected to be released when he informed him of Relena's capture.  
  
He drew in a deep breath and mentally pushed the screaming monster. It was not going to help him until he found Duo. Right now it would only interfere with his thinking as he tried to figure out which way the kidnappers had gone and how best to intercept them.  
  
He was interrupted by a tinny voice sounding from the radio in his jeep. "Heero, Heero! Are you there? Pick up the radio! We've pinpointed Duo's position!"  
  
He was by the jeep in an instant, glaring at the fuzzy image of Noin. "Where is he?! I want the exact coordinates."  
  
"We can't do that, the van they're in is still moving. But I can give you the direction, and by the looks of it, they'll be hitting Highway I-59 soon. We'll be sending our back-up there."  
  
"Ryokai." Heero started the engine and reached out to switch off the radio.  
  
***  
  
"Is she dead yet?" the driver of the van called out to his companions behind him, glancing at the rear-view mirror.  
  
"Who's she?! It's a _he_!! One of those bloody Gundam pilots probably!" The sound of a muffled thud followed the embittered exclamation. "Damnit! He's not even screaming anymore!" More thuds.  
  
"Hey, easy, man, what if you really kill him?" another voice protested, the underlying anxiety evident.  
  
"SO?!! He tried to kill us too—" The irate man's justification was permanently lost as the driver swerved suddenly to try and avoid a dark figure that had mysteriously materialised onto the highway. It tumbled and crashed, finally ending up on its roof, the wheels churning uselessly in the air.  
  
The silent whir of a bullet shot past the shattered glass of the windscreen and lodged itself in the middle of the driver's forehead.  
  
One down, five more to eliminate. Heero soundlessly moved to the back door of the van. It was slowly beginning to creak open. Heero remained where he was in the shadows, gun poised and waiting.  
  
A bloodstained hand curled around the edge of the metal door. Then, a dark, half-loosened braid emerged, followed by its owner toppling out as the door suddenly gave way.  
  
"Duo!"  
  
He managed to catch the braided pilot before he could hit the ground. Gently, he lowered the wounded man and quickly scanned his body to gauge the severity—  
  
His gun was cocked and fired in rapid succession before he could even really think about it. Four thuds came subsequently – then all was quiet. He was going to enter the van to kill the last terrorist when Duo's rasping whisper stopped him.  
  
"He's dead, man. Broke his neck when the van flipped." His voice caught and a harsh coughing broke out. "Shit…"  
  
Heero had returned to his side, cradling Duo's head in his lap. The American's voice had begun to take on the gurgling quality that appeared when blood began filling the lung. "Don't talk, baka," Heero hissed, as he tried to staunch the blood flow.  
  
"I think I got a punctured lung… Hard to breathe, man… Ne… never thought I would suf… suffocate… to death… heh…" Duo's voice gradually became softer, trailing off.  
  
"I told you to shut up!" It didn't seem to be working, and the white cloth he was using to cover the wound was soaked through with red. He tore off another strip with shaking hands and pressed it over the wound.  
  
Shaking, why were his hands shaking?  
  
"Heero… yo… you're trembling…" Duo's voice drifted weakly into his ears. "Did you get hurt too?" The concern was evident, and Heero felt the sudden tensing of muscles as the other boy tried to get up.  
  
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?! Lie down, baka! I'm not hurt! You're the one who's bleeding like a stuck pig, you bloody idiot!" Unadulterated fear flooded him as the faint moonlight reflected the bloodlessness on Duo's cheeks. Carefully, he placed an arm around Duo's shoulders and drew him closer. _Just so I can get to the wound easier… Damnit, Yuy, why are you still trying to deny yourself at a time like this?!!_  
  
Duo was silent for a long moment, long enough to make him wish the braided pilot would speak again, even if it was painful. "Ne… Heero… you're still shaking…"  
  
The iron grip about his shoulders tightened, and Duo let out a soft sigh. He could taste the metallic tang of blood at the back of his throat. It was probably only a matter of time. He tried to summon up the fear he thought he would have felt – even being Shinigami and all – at the actual process of dying, but nothing responded.  
  
The warmth of the body close to his, the gentle tremors that shook it, they told him something – Heero was telling him something, something the Japanese boy himself did not understand yet, but with the clarity of lying near death, Duo knew. He knew, and thus felt no fear.  
  
"Hey… Heero… you scared?"  
  
The other boy didn't answer, but Duo felt the warm drip of liquid on his forehead. _Oh, Heero…_ "Don't… don't be scared, man…" He paused to gather breath. "I'm here…"  
  
With an effort, he raised an arm and placed it at the back of Heero's neck, tugging him down. "Aishiteiru… Heero… ai… aishi—"  
  
He was cut off as soft lips descended upon his bloodied ones, feather light and yet so intense at the same time. They hovered lingeringly, and he felt Heero's tongue dart out to lap at the blood that coated his lips. Then Heero pulled away, but they remained in contact, foreheads touching.  
  
He slowly faded out of consciousness, the gradual drip of Heero's tears his only constant remaining in the darkening world.


	7. Part 6

 

_Have I found that someone_   
_Have I waited too long_   
_To see you…"_   
_\----"Hit Or Miss", New Found Glory_

***

The pale, heart-shaped face was moving away from him, removed from his from his sight.  "No!"  He tried to lash out, but something – no, someone – was holding him back.  
  
"Let me go!"  The desperate strength with which he flung his restrainer off would have knocked out a lesser person, but Noin had been prepared, and managed to grab Heero again before he attempted to follow Duo into the operating theatre once more.  
  
"Heero! Snap out of it!  You aren't helping him at all!  Heero!"  The young man she had been clinging to with all her might gradually stilled, and she cautiously loosened her grasp.  After it was established that Heero would not rush the doors again, she slumped down on the hospital bench with a long sigh of relief.  She closed her eyes momentarily, hoping that her head would clear from the blow it had received during the struggle with Heero just now.

Seeing the normally impassive boy stripped of his iron-clad control left her strangely shaken.  Her mind tiredly drifted back to the scene they had arrived upon…  
  
***  
  
The van the terrorists had escaped in lay on its side, the windscreen shattered while four of the dead bodies were strewn around the back door of the vehicle, a neat hole through each of their foreheads.  They had probably died without even knowing what had hit them.  
  
And sitting in the remnants of that violence was Heero, clutching the blood-soaked figure of his American partner within his arms.  
  
For a moment all of them, the newcomers, had gone silent, struck.  Noin's heart had contracted then, as her eyes darted to Duo's limp body.  Her mouth opened soundlessly, and she forced herself to form the words and push them out.  "Is… is he… Heero, is Duo—"  
  
"No!"  The denial was filled with a pain, a deep-seated anguish Noin had never heard before in the voice of the ex-pilot.  His eyes blazed as he glared up at her, and his grip on Duo visibly tightened.  Noin thought she could detect faint tear tracks on his face, but the dim light made it all uncertain.  
  
Heero's actions broke the frozen tableau the others were in, and they soon had Duo in the ambulance, swiftly heading towards the hospital.  Throughout all the examination and emergency first aid, Heero had stayed by the unconscious American's side, hovering like a hawk.  The blank intensity of his gaze as he stared at Duo's bloodless face unsettled Noin.  It seemed like he had become sealed off, as when she had first seen him on the battlefield, all those years ago.  
  
***  
  
She drew in a deep breath and opened her eyes again.  Heero was still standing by the doors to the operating theatre, fists clenched and face blank as before, but there was just something in his posture that made him seem so… lost.  
  
A quiet beeping interrupted her musings and she dug out the small comm unit out of her pocket, flipping it open to see Lady Une's face looking out at her anxiously.  "How is he?"  
  
Noin sighed and shook her head.  "I don't know.  He's just went into the operating theatre.  It may be a few hours."  
  
"Oh…"  Lady Une's brow creased as she frowned worriedly.  "Maybe I should come down as well."  
  
"No, there is no need," Noin replied.  "Just stay with Relena.  The last thing we need right now is another assassination attempt."           
  
"Alright," Lady Une acknowledged.  "Just keep me informed if anything happens?"  
  
"Yes."  She was about to sign off when a sudden question from Lady Une stopped her.  "Noin, how is Heero holding up?"  
  
 _How did she know?_ Noin wondered.  She herself hadn't even noticed the slightest inkling that the Japanese pilot's feelings for his partner had run so deep – which was probably part of what was keeping her in this sustained state of shock right now.  Yet, Une, with an uncanny intuition that made her so invaluable during the war and now as Head of the Preventers, had detected it, even though she saw less of Heero compared to Noin.  
  
"He's…"  Noin struggled to find the words, but in the end, only came up with what she had felt when she opened her eyes to see him standing there.  "He's lost, Lady Une."  
  
Lady Une's eyes darkened with sorrow.  "I hope, for both their sakes, that the surgeons do a good job.  Remember to call me if anything happens."  
  
Noin nodded and the small screen on the comm unit went blank.  She closed it and put it back into her pocket, looking up at Heero.  
  
He was still in the same place.  
  
"Heero, it may take a while.  Come sit down," she attempted half-heartedly.  
  
The perfect soldier did not budge.  It was doubtful he even heard her.  
  
Noin sighed and leaned her head back against the wall.  It was going to be a long night.  
  
***  
  
Blankness.  That was all there was in his mind.  A thick, mind-numbing layer of blankness that had descended upon him once Duo's arm had slipped from around his neck and his eyelids slid shut concealing the violet orbs within.  
  
Nothing could get to him.  Everything seemed fuzzy, half-removed, like he'd stepped into a dimension half out of sync with the rest of the world.  The sharpness with which his emotions had pounded through his bloodstream when he'd leaned down to silence Duo with his kiss had disappeared.  The clarity of the fiery streak of Duo's lips, the metal taste of his blood, was dampened by the lethargic fog.  
  
Distantly, he sensed that there were seething emotions wanting to erupt, but for now a cocoon encased him, and all he could do was just sit there, gazing at the pale, heart-shaped face, wondering vaguely how he had missed it all before.  
  
The concern, the jibes, the actions…  Swift, secretive glances form the braided boy suddenly evolved a new, deeper meaning.  His words adopted a different tone, and the occasional fleeting brush of skin on skin, indelibly recorded on the soldier's mind, became a shade richer.  With a sense of detachment, he also catalogued the past instances of annoyance and irritation when it appeared that Duo was interested in someone else, and the flutter of elation and relief when it turned out to be nothing.

_"Follow your emotions…"_  
  
He was taught that, but somewhere along the way he had lost its meaning.  He no longer considered his own feelings, just shoving them into compartments at the back of his brain.  But now it seemed they were all clearing out.  
  
And once this blessed numbness lifted, they would descend upon him with a vengeance.


	8. Part 7

  
_"You really know how to start_   
_Fixing a broken heart_   
_You really know what to do_   
_Your emotional tools can cure any fool_   
_Whose dreams have fallen apart_   
_Fixing a broken heart…"_   
_\---- "Fixin' A Broken Heart", Indecent Obsession_   


_***_

It appeared to be a ceiling, not too high – white, but the next moment it swam out of focus, and he was confronted with a mere soft grey fuzziness, which confused the hell out of him.

He tried to move, triggering the lightning bolt of fire in his side to come to life, shocking awake the analytical circuits within his brain as well.  Before he could finish cursing the assholes who had shot him and their ancestors, the soldier side of him had already completed the rundown of his injuries.

_Heh, not too bad.  I'm alive…_ He grimaced as a fresh lance of pain struck him.  _I used to be able to take it better,_ he mused.  _Must be the age._

"Duo?…  Duo, are you awake?"  
  
His eyes snapped open, and he thanked whoever was out there that the room was dim.  He did not need a pounding headache to accompany the rest of his wounds.

"Duo?"  
  
 _That voice!_ He would have known that voice anywhere – well, that and Heero's voice too – it haunted his daydreams and nightmares and so much more.  The question was, what was it doing here?  
  
A shadow passed over his face as his brow furrowed in puzzlement.  
  
"Duo, are you alright?"  
  
"O… ojousan?"  His voice came out as a croak, weak and cracked.  
  
"Yes, how are you feeling?  Do you need anything?"  
  
"Water…"  
  
"The doctors said you can't have anything to drink yet – you have the tube for that, but I can get something to wet your lips."  
  
She hurried to the bathroom with a glass while Duo stared in bemusement, wondering at the surreality of the former Queen of the World seemingly at his beck and call.  What on earth had he done to warrant Relena Dorian's service?  Then he recalled her words and lifted a trembling arm to feel his face.  Sure enough, he could sense the plastic tube taped across his cheek that ran into his nose and down into his stomach.  
  
 _Damnit, this sucks!  Why is it, after so many technological advances, we still haven't found a better way to feed someone?!  We already have Gundams, for the love of God!  Should have asked if he was still around—_  
  
He got distracted from his grumbling by Relena's return.  
  
After he was more comfortable and able to manage more than a bare whisper, he fixed his violet gaze upon the young woman.  "So why are you the one here, Relena?  Where are the others?"  
  
Implicit within his words were the unspoken question: "Where is Heero?"  
  
She sat down on the chair beside his bed.  "Heero's gone back to the hotel you're staying at to change and rest.  Noin had to make him go.  He's been with you for the past two days, until your condition stabilised.  Nothing could budge him otherwise.  The others are here too, but they're waiting outside.  I wanted to have a chance to talk to you alone before the announcement."  
  
"What announcement?" he asked automatically, although his mind was still on Relena's previous statement.  _He stayed with me… all this time?_   Despite the cynic within him screaming and protesting all the way, he could sense the swelling of hope.  
  
"Well, to the press, of course.  To let the world know that the hero of the L2 kidnap rescue is finally awake," Relena replied, a glint of mischief in her eyes.  "You know how they love a Gundam pilot story."  
  
He groaned.  "Gods, no!"  He'd never been too keen on the spotlight, guarding his privacy jealously.  Running and hiding was in his blood, and he was happy to let it remain that way.  
  
"I'm sorry, Duo," although she didn't sound it – much, "but they got wind of it while you were still in the operating theatre, and we were all too distracted to put a proper block on it."  A pause…  "Heero might have, but he was the most distracted of all," she concluded wryly.  
  
A strange silence followed Relena's pronouncement.  Duo leaned back against the pillows, momentarily speechless.  He had the sneaking suspicion that Relena was trying to tell him something – something he himself might have wanted to hear for the longest time – but to actually hear it…  It was too hard.  He had to bring the conversation back to safer ground.  
  
"Yeah, sure, whatever… but ojousan, this press thing…"  He injected a whine into his voice and rolled his eyes dramatically, ignoring the stinging sensation bursting in his skull at the movement.  "Can't you just tell them I died, or ran away, or got abducted by aliens or something?"  Paying no attention to Relena's raised eyebrow at his babbling, he pressed on.  "Come on, I can't do that stoic, emotionless, just-be-a-statue-while-the-camera-bulb-flashes gig – I'm not Heero, you know—"  
  
As if to emphasise that, a heavy bout of coughing assailed him, and he let it punctuate his sentence, hoping to gain some sympathy for his pitiful state.  
  
For a long while, Relena said nothing, just sat there looking at him until he began to fidget awkwardly against his will.  
  
"Thank you, Duo.  You saved my life."  They were the most sincere words she had ever spoken to him.  
  
Duo didn't know whether to look her in the face.  He couldn't remember the last time he has felt this uncomfortable.  With every syllable from her mouth, Relena was tearing that the barriers that had been set up between them, and with it, his painstakingly constructed masks.  
  
He suddenly felt overwhelmed by exhaustion.  Closing his eyes, he said softly, "Saa, ojousan, it's what I have to do.  We've fought too hard to let all this go to waste.  And after all you've done for the colonies, you're definitely not entitled to be offed by amateurs – not when even Dekim Barton and Marimeia failed to do so.  And me, Heero, and the rest of us will be here as long as we can to make sure of that."  Deciding he felt a little braver now, he risked a swift glance at the young woman.  
  
She had this most solemn expression on her face, touched with bittersweet emotion, like she'd finally accepted something he could not, dared not.  
  
"Hey," he protested feebly.  "Stop looking at me like that.  It's just too weird…"  
  
Relena stood up and suddenly became very interested in the flowers at his bedside table, fussily rearranging them in no discernible pattern.  Lightly, she said, "I thought I should tell you something."  Yet, the casual, off-hand tone of her voice just seemed to underlie the significance of her next words all the more.  "Heero and I broke up, about two weeks before I left Earth."  
  
The air in the room was pregnant with an expectant quiet.  
  
Though he had thought himself at least semi-prepared for her news, given the direction their conversation had been leading, the actual announcement still sent his head reeling.  This was akin to his wildest dreams and fantasies, but the realist in him had never truly allowed himself to dwell on it for long.  So now that the opportunity – the chance he had not really believed would ever be available – was being presented to him, especially in this way, he felt as if he was floundering, way out of his depth.  
  
Relena still appeared to be waiting for his response.  Warily, he asked the question foremost in his mind.  "Why are you telling me this?  What's it got to do with me?"  The instinct to run and hide had reared its defensive head, and he was desperately attempting to escape whatever Relena had said, trying to gain, if not an upper hand, then at the least an equal footing in the situation.  
  
She turned to face him, her eyes daring him not to look away.  "Duo, he's free now."  
  
That sensation, like something precious had been ripped away from him, hit him like a massive blow to the gut, intensifying and spreading, leaving him breathless and vulnerable.  His masks, his barriers of protection had all been torn down.  "You know… knew all along."  His voice was the barest murmur.  
  
Relena nodded.  Watching her standing there, looking at him like he was her good deed for the day resurrected his pride, and a spark of resentment blossomed.  "So?!  So what do you expect me to do about it?  So what if he's free?  Who do you think I am, Relena?"  As the words poured out, the anger flowed, building within him.  "Am I supposed to be some spare tyre to be used on some rebound trip?  Well, I'm not!  I'm not, okay?!  I don't sit around waiting to pick up someone else's leftovers – not that Heero's leftovers, of course – he could never be anything but the main course and oh god, WHAT am I saying?…"  
  
The annoyance faded as swiftly as it had come, leaving only horrified mortification in his wake.  With an effort, he dragged the covers over his head, wishing he were back in oblivious darkness, far, far away from suddenly-potentially-attainable love interests and deceptively generous ex-Princesses.  
  
He sensed Relena settling on the chair next to his bed again, and then felt a tugging on the blankets.  _Oh, why do I even bother?_ He tiredly conceded, letting her pull the sheets away from his face.  He could thoroughly empathise with Heero now.  If he had to deal with this single-minded focus 24/7, it was no wonder the Japanese pilot was still so stunted in his social development.  There seemed no way to get around it other than to just shut it out.  
  
"Why are you doing this, Relena?" he asked listlessly.  "Do you think I can't see what you're doing for the twisted charity that it is?"  
  
If Relena had been taken aback by his outburst, she had probably used the time when he was hiding under the covers to compose herself.  "Duo… please, you've misunderstood.  I've never thought you were stupid – not really, silly, maybe…"  The corner of her mouth quirked in a tiny grin when Duo attempted to bequeath her with an imitation of his partner's glare.  "But I've spent a lot of time thinking about this: me, Heero, you…  And I've come to the conclusion that you are – and will be – better for him than I will ever be."  Her voice was incredibly earnest.  
  
"Yeah?" Duo forced out grudgingly.  
  
"Yes, Duo, I understand that it might seem terribly presumptuous of me, but that really is what I believe," she replied patiently.  "And what's more, I think he's beginning to realise it as well."  
  
"How would you know what Heero's thinking?" Duo retorted defensively.  _Don't do this, Relena.  Stop messing with my head.  If this is a joke, it is really. Not. Funny._  
  
"Well…" Relena trailed off delicately, and her eyes acquired a gleam that warned Duo he was probably not going to like what she was going to say.  "When Heero came with you to the hospital, I distinctly recall seeing blood on his face here."   She raised her hand to indicate the corner of her mouth.  "But apart from that, he was perfectly fine.  No real injuries at all.  So we would all have to assume that the blood came from someone else…"  
  
Her explanation triggered off a memory that had conveniently suppressed itself from the time he had blacked out, and he gasped.  _Fuck!  He knows!_ He could remember everything now: the numbing weakness and his shallow breaths, his fatalistic resignation and fighting to stay conscious long enough just to tell Heero, to let him know, at least before he died and he would never see the other young man again.  But most of all, he remembered the intensity of that gentle brushing of lips; and the comforting warmth of Heero's tears.  
  
Incredibly, he felt blessed, amazingly privileged that he had penetrated so many of Heero's shields, that he'd finally touched that lost boy that was buried so deep.  But still…  
  
"Bloody shit, Heero's going to kill me," came unbidden to his lips.  Now that the danger and urgency was over, and everything was back to normal, Heero must be completely mad at himself for losing his control so badly.  _And what should I do when I finally see him again?  Damn…_ The overwhelming urge to run and hide made his eyes snap shut, and he spent a few seconds fantasising about settling down in some remote mining colony for the next sixty years.  
  
He knew that Relena had heard him when she suddenly grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to look at her.  "If you weren't hurt, I would shake you!"  It was the first time he could hear an evident note of frustration since he had woken up to this bizarre conversation.  "Stop trying to run away, Duo!  Why are you so afraid?  You can give him something that I can't ever provide, by virtue of the fact that our natures are too similar.  And I can see that being with him would bring you so much joy as well."  Disregarding her previous statement, she gave him a little shake, taking no notice of the tiny yelp Duo made.  "Seize the day, Duo.  Take this chance before it slips away."  
  
He smiled wistfully, no longer bothering to hide from Relena's piercing gaze.  "I'm happy now, Relena-san.  The war's over, the universe is at peace, we're living rather normal lives.  That's good enough."  
  
She sat back, but did not break their eye contact.  "That's not really being happy, Duo," she challenged.  "If you're honest with yourself, you'd see that you're just trying to be content with what's safe and comfortable."  Duo could feel himself frowning as he tried to deny it, and found that he couldn't.  Relena continued inexorably, "You're not the only one who does that, Duo.  All of us do.  But there has to come a time when you break away from that, so you can find something better."  A faraway expression descended over her features.  "That time has come for me.  I don't want what's safe and comfortable anymore.  So I'm willing to change things, in the hope that something better will come of it."  
  
For an instant, Duo thought he could glimpse the iron will that had forged peace for millions, sheening that young face with eyes too old.  And like those millions, he felt himself coming under their power, becoming swayed by what she had said.  _Maybe…just maybe…_  
  
Relena must have detected his burgeoning hope, for she gave him one last enigmatic smile and headed for the door.  
  
"But what about you, Relena?"  He still couldn't help but feel vaguely guilty – his Catholic upbringing had been ingrained too deep.  
  
"Don't worry about me.  One day… one day, I'll find my own Duo."


	9. Part 8

  
_I got something to say you know, but nothing comes_   
_Yes I know what you think of me, you never shut up_   
_I can hear that…_   
_'Cause sometimes, I said sometimes_   
_I hear my voice, and it's been_   
_Here, silent all these years…_   
_\---- "Silent All These Years", Tori Amos_   


_***  
_

The soft beeping roused him from troubled, restless images of loss and blood-soaked braids, snapping him back into the waking world to find himself amongst tangled covers half-thrown off and his hand wrapped around his gun.  He grabbed the comm unit and flipped it open to meet Quatre's ever-young face looking back at him a little anxiously.

"Heero, he's awake.  Woke up about five minutes ago.  We haven't gone in to see him yet, since Relena insisted we let her speak to him first…"  
  
The rest of Quatre's speech washed over him and he barely registered the words.  He could only focus on the first short phrase.  "I'll be there."  Without further elaboration, he closed the unit and flopped back on the bed, curling instinctively around a pillow and inhaling deeply.  
  
 _He's awake…_ A tremendous relief, unlike what anything else had ever engendered, even the ending of the way, surged through him, and he raised his left hand slowly, observing it with clinical detachment.  It was shaking – the tiny tremors would have been perfectly evident even to the smallest child.

He let his hand drop and clutched the pillow tighter.  A childish voice eerily similar to the little girl's who always haunted his dreams asked why he was trembling.  "Are you scared, onii-san?  Are you scared because you're lost?"

His aimless gaze fell upon a strand of chestnut brown spilled lazily across the mattress.  Before he knew it, his fingers had curled around it as he attempted to bury deeper into the mound of covers where Duo's scent imprinted itself.  _No, I'm not lost.  Not any longer…  But I almost lost the one who found me._  
  
After a while, he finally sat up, scrambling out of bed to enter the bathroom.  He passed his own twin bed, neat and untouched, as he stepped under the water to shower swiftly.  For once, he decided to indulge himself, and allowed the hot stream to soothe some of the tension out of his lean body.  
  
Turning off the water left him with a deafening silence, punctuated only by the erratic drip of water from the showerhead.  He suddenly realised how used he had become to the sound of Duo's voice being part of the background noise.  It could have been just babbling and small-talk, plain and simple; or it could have been his awful, off-key singing as he head-banged to the cacophonous sound he termed ancient rock; or his quiet, preoccupied murmur in those rare, introspective moments when he actually slowed down, stilled.  
  
It hit him how much he treasured those times, so few and far between, when he would come out of the bathroom to see his American partner standing in front of the hotel room window.  The shutters would be open, and the wind would be billowing in, lifting and playing with chestnut locks let loose to fly in the forceful breeze.  Part of him would automatically want to berate the idiot for exposing himself so – you never knew where your enemies would turn up – but the rest of him would be struck, shaken by this image of Duo's… beauty.  
  
Beauty – there seemed to be no description more appropriate.  He wondered if he'd always seen the other man as beautiful as he roughly towelled his hair dry and pulled on his ubiquitous tank top and jeans.  After careful, meticulous sifting through and examination of the facts filed away in his mind, he decided he probably had.  Duo's looks were too striking to not have been noticed, but they had been appreciated in a more detached sense then, viewed more as a potential battle tactic rather than savoured purely for its aestheticism.  
  
Yet now, Heero found that he was unable to conjure up the brown-haired man's image without the associated emotions of pain, near-loss, trepidation, confusion, relief, lingering hope, and a mysterious, fragile ache in his heart…  When had that begun?  After he and Relena had separated?  When he had discovered Duo's broken, battered body on the highway?  Or had the seeds been planted much, much earlier?

Only he had ignored them, suppressed his own emotions in favour of the soldier's single-minded dedication to the mission.  He had not followed his heart.  
  
 _Does that mean I failed you, J, in the end?_

 _Or maybe I just failed myself._  
  
He was about to leave for the hospital when a thought occurred to him.  _Duo would HATE those hospital gowns._

The hotel room was stripped of all black clothing as the Japanese man departed.  
  
***  
  
"Hey, guys… Guys!  I'm fine!"  Duo weakly tried to bat away helpful hands as he attempted to get out of bed.  He so had to go to the bathroom NOW and he wanted to get there on his own steam.  He may have been nastily injured, but he was a Gundam pilot after all.  He might not have been as tough as he used to be, but he definitely did NOT need people to help him around!  
  
Trowa and Wufei were alright.  They had retreated into the background once they had established he wasn't permanently damaged, but Quatre's protective instincts had apparently been kicked into high gear, and he had joined forces with the other females in a diabolical plan to coddle him.

"Are you sure you'll be okay by yourself in there?" Quatre asked worriedly, hovering near the long-haired man as he made his slow, careful way into the bathroom.  
  
"Yeah, I might actually topple head-first into the toilet bowl," Duo retorted sarcastically.  
  
It seemed to go right over the blond's head.  "In that case, maybe I should—"  
  
Duo groaned and shut the door in his face.  
  
As he sank down on the covered toilet seat to catch his breath, he could hear the amused chuckles from Trowa and Wufei, a counterpoint to Quatre's slightly indignant outburst.  Sighing, he rubbed his face tiredly, wincing at the residual pain the movements caused.  
  
At least Relena had left, he thought as he forced himself to stand up and relieve himself.  An entourage of Preventer agents had arrived earlier to escort the Vice-Ambassor back to the local headquarters.  He wasn't really sure how to behave towards her yet, especially when his mind was still in turmoil.  
  
It was hard enough to think as it was, but all the visitors – glad as he was to see them – were just making it all the more difficult to sort things out for himself.  
  
Despondently, he washed his hands and sat back down on the toilet, resting his chin in his hands.  Half of him was chiding himself for being so depressed and mopey.  
  
 _Shouldn't you be celebrating like right about now?  Your greatest wish has come true!_

_Yeah, but… but what if Relena's wrong?  Or she's just joking, or playing a trick on me…_

_Come on, you know she wouldn't do something like that, especially about THIS…_  
  
 _Yeah, but still…/_

_Still what?/_ Impatience was seeping in.  
  
 _What if… what if we do get together, and Heero realises that he doesn't want me after all…_  
  
 _Damnit!  Don't you know that's life?  You never know what you're gonna get!  But if you don't first take the chance, then how are you ever going to know for sure how this story will end?_  
  
 _I—_

_Do you really want to sit here saying 'what if' for the rest of your life?_

_No, I…_

_Because that's what you'll be doing if you keep running and hiding, Duo Maxwell._  
  
Drawing in a deep breath to fortify himself, he pulled himself up and opened the bathroom door.  "Lord, give me strength," he prayed softly.  "When he comes, give me the strength to say and do what I must."  
  
Looking up, he gave the room a bewildered once-over.  "Hey, where's everybody?"  
  
"I sent them out.  They were disturbing you."  The abrupt, emotionless voice made him whip his head around so fast he made himself dizzy.  The man he'd been agonising over the past few hours – the past few YEARS – was sitting on the couch at the corner of the room, watching him an unnervingly intense gaze.  And beside him was…

"Heero, what on earth did you bring?!  The entire hotel room?" Duo asked incredulously as he gradually made his way to the other man, anxiety temporarily forgotten in his amazement that Heero would actually bring him something – even if it was just his own clothes.  
  
Heero didn't quite blush but his mask cracked long enough to allow a look of discomfiture to flit over his face.  "Baka!  I didn't know which ones you wanted to wear."  
  
"So you brought everything?  Not that I don't appreciate it, Heero my man.  But if you happened to notice, they're all black.  Not much of a difference, is there—"  His enthusiastic speech ended in a startled yelp as he overestimated himself and lost his footing.  Resigning himself to a painful landing, he opened his eyes in surprise to find himself cushioned against the hard hospital floor by a warm, firm body.  
  
"Um, thanks?" he offered weakly.  
  
"You're still not strong enough to be walking around, you idiot."  But there was no real anger in Heero's tone as he lifted the American easily and deposited him back on the bed.  "The fact that you're still breathing should be a miracle."  
  
"Well, don't you just admire my abilities then?" Duo returned playfully, falling back into their normal pattern of seriousness and banter.  
  
"Yes, I had counted on those skills right from the start," Heero replied wryly.  
  
Duo was quiet for a while as Heero settled him under the covers.  "Heero?"  
  
"Hn?"  
  
"You told me that once before, you know."  Hero was alerted to the sudden change in his partner's mood by the wistfulness in his voice.  He remained silent, but his mind swiftly raced back.

"Aa."  He HAD said it before, back during the first time Relena was kidnapped by Dekim Barton.  
  
"Heero?"  
  
He raised his head to meet the vulnerable violet orbs.  "I—I'd always…"  Duo squeezed his eyes shut for a long instant as he muttered, "God I hope I don't regret this."  He opened his eyes again and reached out determinedly to take Heero's hand, encouraged when the Japanese man didn't pull away but instead tightened his own grip around Duo's fingers.  
  
"Heero, I'd… I'd always wished that you would have admired me for more than my skills."  Heero didn't say anything, but he sat down on the edge of the bed beside Duo.  Duo swallowed and made himself continue.  "That you would admire me for me… That maybe you could like – even love – me?"  
  
Duo didn't become conscious of how much closer Heero had moved until he stopped speaking, and now their faces were only inches apart.  His hand was still securely caught in Heero's.  
  
"Duo?"  There was a sparkle in those dark blue eyes he'd never seen before.

"Huh?  What?"  It was difficult to concentrate when such a distraction was so near him, and bearing even closer with each passing second.  
  
"Hai."  
  
"What?…"  His eyes widened as the meaning behind that single word registered itself, or it could be the pleasant shock of Heero sealing his lips over Duo's own.  
  
Heero finally pulled away slightly, leaving Duo dazed and breathless, arms entwined Heero's neck. 

"Itsumo."  
  
Duo stared up as a smile that Heero thought was unbearably radiant spread across his features.  "Hai.  Itsumo," he softly echoed just before their lips met again.

He needed no other words.


End file.
